Sayang. Wala pang coup.

Tapos may rumors pa na kumakalat through SMS tungkol sa planong "Magdalo Bombing" daw. Duh.

Hindi ko alam kung sinong prankster ang nagkakalat nang ganun kaseryosong threat. Hindi ko rin alam kung maiinis ako o matatakot e. Kasi kung titignan mong mabuti, obvious na pekeng-peke yung threat.

For instance, kung ikaw ang lider ng Magdalo group, and you want to "make a change", bakit mo ipagkakalat na mambobomba ka ng mga cellsites at government buildings? And suppose na makarating yung message sa isang government official / general / whatever na supporter ng Arroyo administration. E di hirap kang mambomba ngayon kasi babantayan na yang mga "bombing targets" mo ng makailang Marines at kung sino man. E di palpak ang plano mo.

And besides, kine-claim ng message na magsisimula raw yung pambobomba kaninang midnight. E wala namang lumalabas sa news ah...

Ang tanga naman talaga nung prankster na yun. Di marunong gumawa ng isang matinong chain letter.

The military has been trained to kill, stupid. They won't reveal what their plans are with just SMS messages. And besides, they don't care about the freaking civilian population because they want to take over. Why would they waste time with stupid civilians who would just ruin their otherwise "perfect" bombing plan, if there was one?

Come on now.


But still, everything seems to be in turmoil, so it really ai'nt safe out there, even if there was no bombing threat.

Gloria is such an asshole. *dammit, I cussed in my blog* And she's so insecure. That means that she's awfully scared of the military.

It won't be long. There will be a second Martial Law. The chances are high.

Nothing changes...Everything just goes around in a deep and unrelenting spiral of failures. Wala nang pag-asa ang Pinas kung ganito tayo...

...And now you know why I am ashamed to be a Filipino. >>just kiddin'<<

>>dont take this seriously, im literally SICK now. I tand to be thinking this way when im sick<<

This is what i know ME.

>>due to public demand<<<
I am a truthful person in the fact that everything written here actually reflects who I am.

I am a student extraordinaire. I disliked math with a fervent passion but I do have no choice but to live with it. I have realized just now that I cannot possibly move with my life without mathematics as my weapon. This is why I must tolerate and if I must, learn to love the art of numbers.

I dont care about being "all that", because what I care is being "other than that".

Cliches are not my type, except for the fact that I am a product of the senti era of television.

I am not cool or hunky because I choose not to be one. I accept myself for who I am right now.

I am overly sentimental at times but sometimes I hide my emotions from other people. I am a torpe and that is why most of the time I get hurt emotionally by the girl that I love.

Im an accountancy student. I rejoice to the high heavens when I finish (finally) a problem that didn't solve before.

I hate terror professors for making other student's lives worse. They are actually leeches of the educational system - they make students exert much more energy than what is actually required.

Philosophy is a way of life, but not of love. This I have realized in the hardest of ways - by being heartbroken now

Not all things can be solved by logical processes. That is what makes people different from computers. And that is the reason why people learn - they go against the logical norm.

I am a hidden street racer, and I aspire to learn and become the fastest out of each corner, whether that may be in the racetrack (virtual or otherwise), or in real life. I love the Nissan Skyline GT-R but it's so hard to handle because it's got AWD.

I am a simple person with a lot of love to share and a big heart to give.

Im a person who loves vanna marie.

Sigh

The cold breeze stopped me for awhile here in the midst of the summer capital of the country. BAGUIO. I was away from the where my family decided to stay in for my mom's birthday with just 500 bucks in my pocket. I left my wallet and cp in the hotel room. Never did i realize i walk without my spirit in my human self. I was thinking of one person. Again, its Vanna.

I was waltzing in solitude when i spotted a internet cafe (24-hr open) It was 4am in the fucking morning but still i entered. Something struck inside me. I checked my this blog and now im blogging. Quite sleepy and tired of the day.

Im still confuse of this feeling i have for vanna. Its not just a simple crush or admiration.

This thing is different from all my other crushes, I know. That is why I rose it to the level of an infatuation. Why, I had a crush on Micaela before, but I just wanted to look at her, laugh with her. I don’t care what she does and what she is. I even had a crush on Dess before. I just wanted to look at her, because she’s cute. Nothing more. You won’t see me trying to communicate with hher. But with Vanna, it’s different. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted ttext her all day and nigh. I dream of her. I wanted to know her more. I wanted to know how she is, what she does. I wanted to be a part of her world. Like at this moment. Im thinking of her.

I always knew this blog would go nowhere. That’s why before there was anything in it, I have named it the xenophobia. I am guy who seldom loves but completely and truly. How can anyone give a love that consumes you? How can anyone nurture a love that hurts you? How can you live with a love that brings you the saddest of all London rains?

Her eyes will continue to remind me of this love I have for her. Her eyes will continue to remind me of all of you. But I always say, life always goes on.

Time is a healer.

Time can divide.

Whatever happens to both of us… I don’t know. But I am too weak to hope. I am too weak to dream. I am too weak to expect anything at all.

I love her. But without me, her life goes on. Her world will keep on turning.

Sigh.

the Song

As i drive along diliman a not-quite-old song was playing inside my car.
I rememberd my highschool days. Its like the memries are all coming back.
But no one special reminds me of this song.
On the contrary, I remember Vanna who i really miss so much.

God must have spent a little more time on you
by Nsync

Can this be true?
Tell me, can this be real?
How can I put into words what I feel?
My life was complete
I thought I was whole
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
Never thought that love could feel like this
And you changed my world with just one kiss
How can it be that right here with me
There's an angel?It's a miracle

Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must have spent a little more time on you

In all of creationAll things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious than
Any diamond or pearl
They broke the mold
When you came into this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out
Just how I ever did without
The warmth of your smile
The heart of a child
That's deep insideLeaves me purified

Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must have spent a little more time on you
Never thought that love could feel like this
And you changed my world with just one kiss
How can it be that right here with me,
There's an angel?It's a miracle

Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep
When I look into your eyes I know that it's true
God must have spent a little more time on you

God must have spent a little more time on you


---> I havent text her since monday.
Please dont ask why.
Well, I became insane that day that i sent i love yous and so on and so forth. As early as 2am in the morning.
I dont know what to do.
Im ashamed of what i did.
Then i heard this song playing.

Wala lang. Sigh.

I was writing a short paragraph for my law subject about the obligation of debtor to the creditor when i saw a pretty paper in my desk.
I reached out for my pen and wrote in longhand:

Vanna,

If I die today, would you even care?

I looked at the paper over and over again. Deep inside I feel, I don’t want to know the answer. I tore it in two and went back to work.

Sigh.

Strange but true

I LOVE YOU VANNA!!!

Nincompoop

Vanna and i were together last night through text. She's with her family enjoying the show in Zirkoh. Extreme happiness collides superman's hoody-coody cos i thought were going smoothly sailing in the midst of deep-blue sea.

Wala ako sa mood gumawa ng blog today. Galit na naman kasi sa akin si vanna. Which makes this day a total sucker. Sinaba ko na sa kanya na mahal ko siya pero alam ko naman hindi siya naniniwala. Sana hindi niya to mabasa blogs ko. Cguro hindi naman yun mag-aaksaya ng time para basahin to. Isa pa, she doesnt care anymore sabi niya nun. Pero sana nakalimutan niya yun. Ewan.

I remember she asked me last night.

"Inlav ba tawag mo nyan..."

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam. I never been in love with someone else before. I never been like this before
---> doing bizarre things for a person i hardly know. Giving my ever-expensive attention to a person.

I just could not understand myself lately. I do not know what is happening to me. There are times where I could have time for reflecting on the things I just did.
I hate myself..
Naah.. That's not it..
I hate what I did..
I had been acting strange during the latter of this semester this year.
A feeling I can not even answer a simple query of my pals.
It's just not me.. Not a single tinge of me.I guess I just need to concentrate.
I lost my focus on things. I won't get into the details. I give advices to my pals and those advices were very much beneficial to them. But then I can not give myself one.

The "you cant give yourself an advice" thingy applies here.

Sigh. Its a bit funny, when she text me, all my defenses start to go. I fall so weak on my knees. I get dazed and distrected. Falling near his own destruction. Slowly losing all his senses...losing sight of everything else that's around him. All attention on one thing and one thing alone.

Just Vanna Marie. Vanna Marie Tan and everything about her.

I just got home from school confused whether this infatuation(?) brought me pleasure or pain . I am happy about this infatuation(?) thing in the past because it brought me more boon than bane. Vanna gave me something to look forward to as I go to school. She gave me a reason to wake up in the morning, even when I am short of slumber. She gave me a reason to wear my smile as I enter the door of the classroom.

I am disturbed. In the middle of my accounting exam, I think of you. Before I sleep I think of you. In the shower, I think of you. In going to school I think of you. Everyday, everywhere, I think of you. How could I ever stop thinking of you? Sigh.
But today, it’s pity… because I never got to talk to her. She's mad again.

I placed my bag on my chair, mighty tired from the school. I placed my earphones on both my ears and started looking at the open window on the room. …There is no one else I think of more than you. I can’t seem to forget… I can’t get you out my head. I guess the verdict’s in, I’m crazy over you… How can one be down? Tell me where to start… ‘Cause everytime you smile, I feel tremors in my heart… I have but one concern… How can I get with you? ‘Till my day comes, here’s what I’m gonna do…
Sittin’ up in my room… Back here thinking about you… I must confess, I’m a mess… for you. …I’m just a mess with a thing for you.

What now? ... EWAN. Got to see Vanna thats pure sure.

FORTUITOUS EVENTS

January 30.
A message was sent to me by a friend >when it rains, it pours<>
It was just after marketing subject when i decided to see vanna and got ot UST. We made an agreemant to meet inside their campus at 3pm. I texted her telling im coming any time now. While i was heading to quiapo, Charm, my sister called up asking if i can get her report thingy in her friend's house near LRT buendia. I told her im going to meet vanna in UST and ill be late if i go their first. But shes so eager to win in this unpolite-asked-favor talk so i pulled the stirring wheel in another direction. Going to taft.

It was just after the conversation with my sister ended my phone rang again. Looking at the screen of it, it was a new number. Curiously I answered the phone and got speechless the moment i recognized the owner of the voice next in line.
It was my dad.
I stopped the car in front of starbucks in tft.
"Macky, im coming home. Nasa airport kami ng ninong mo.." he said.
"Huh?.. ok, But im busy dad, cant be there. Ingat na lang po" i politely said and cut it off. DAMN.

I stared at my phone. Thinking what will happen now. He's back and im not yet ready to face him. To be with him again. I dont know how to act when he's near. A text message rom vanna interrupted my unclear thinking. I was about to reply when suddenl;y my mom call. Brad, the youngest, collapsed in school and rushed to the hospital. My whole self become so weak and found my fingers pressing the keypad of my phone. "Uwi ka na. . ." was the message i typed and sent to vanna. And she replied madly. The rest of our text conversation was too gory to discuss.

What will i do in this hurly-burly situation? I asked myself.
Will i go to UST where my vanna is waiting?
To the airport where my dad is? Or to the hospital where my lil bro is?
I chose the latter one.
I reached the hospital still texting vanna who is VERY mad at me.Room 098. Brad is alright with some apparatus attached to his body. I felt something. Guilt. I texted vanna saying how sorry i am but it was no help.
The most painful words i received inthis life came from her that gave me the purest of pain. I decided to call her up to explain but i got tongue-tied the second i heard her furious voice. It was a major blow. Just a couple of seconds i hung up. Shoulder down with a heavy heart i went to my mom asking consent to move in Katipunan. (in my cousin's place). She confusely asked why and i honestly confessed the behind my unreasonable decision. We had a heart-to-heart talk inside the room occupied by brad.
After a quite some time, the door opened and saw my dad in flesh and blood who seems worried. And haggard too. As he entered the room, I kissed my mom goodbye and give my dad just a no andi went out.

Im driving along Quezon ave. where i bought special empanada or myself when i heard this song "one last cry" over the radio. A drop of the tear roll on my cheek. The girl named vanna is who im thinking of. My right hand reached my cp to view her pic then i pulled the brakes.
I looked at bthe girl who hates me so much. I looked at a dream I will never had. A prayer that God will never hear. I took a deep breath and stepped on the gasoline and speed up. Now im curious, how did i get home safe despite of being harumscarum that time.
Then i recall: When it rains, it really pours

Vanna makes Superman so damn happy

I was taking long, breathless strides on the corridor, chasing time as i realized the meeting of all dean's lister in accountancy started 3 minutes ago. I was so determined to get there, when a familiar voice caught my attention from afar.

A girl.
Chinese.
Thin.
Typical.

It was Alyssa - and some girls who are also DL.
We exchanged greetings then i asked
"Mala-late na ako. Are you not worried? Dulo pa tayo."

"Ma-late? 8:30 pa meeting natin ,no..." she laughed.

I was dumbstruck. It was only 7:35 on my watch.

"No wonder you walk so fast." she added and they went on.


(when Vanna got mad at me, im a mess)








Seconds later, I heard Dennis (my seatmate in Law) calling my name as he was walking towards me.
"Mark talaga ang aga-aga nambababae na naman" he teased me.

" oh, those were just friends" i replied.

"Friends...?" He looked at the girls to see if he could spot Vanna. He had seen her before, i suppose, as a wallpaper in my phone. NONE.

"My date ka siguro ngayon. Sige mauna na ako. Kailangan na ako dun sa booth namin. By the way, you look different pare. Very happy. " he said and tapped my shoulder and we parted ways.

As i looked at him walking away from me, i whipered "kung alam mo lang how happy i am".

I saw an empty kiosk and sat there as i got my hanky inside my pocket and wiped my frontalis which was sweaty. Watching people going back and forth busy for the fair makes me smile. Then i started to recall what happend last night and this early, very early, morning.

I feel i dont want to celebrate my bday but my mom insisted to have a diiner with the family and some close friends. Its just really simple dinner, i expected.

Before the feat begun, i was surprised to see a 3-layered cake on top of the table. Indira lit the two 20-shaped candles ang they started to sing the traditional bday hymn.
I was like: "huh? why do this?"
But theres no time for asking now.
The bday hymn was already through so, as what we always do when we were young, i closed my eyes and made 3 wishes then blew the candles.

Funny but 1 of my 3 wishes came true within 24hrs.

I summoned all my courage to make a call for vanna. Her phone was ringing but no one was answering. Shes still mad, i told myself. Out of despair, i change the sim of my phone to smart.

When the clock strikes at 10pm i decided to put back my globe sim. As i opened it, got 2 msges from vanna. Uh-uh.That makes me stiffed a bit, hear my heartbeat boom-boom!
She texted me "hapi birthday!"

She knows?

I mean, she knows!
She knows its my birthday.
And i was stupefied. My fingers rattled to reply, my ever-complicted mind cant function properly, its like my soul left my human body to fly high in cloud nine.
>>corny theyll say but thats the emotions i had last night which makes me up all night. Thinking in one person alone.

Vanna Marie

3am in the dead morning i climbed up to the rooftop where the busy city is overlooking. I held my breath before i shouted
"YES! Hoooooo!YES!"
I gone wild, yes i did. Cant contain the explosion on my emotions. SOBRANG SAYA KO.

It doesnt end there folks. My ever-expensive attention was caught by a silly idea. I went rushly inside my room looking for my Eheads collection but i found none. I left it in Katipunan. Damn.
I decide to call up my friend, a dj in radio station, asked him a favor to play "with a smile" . He didnt disaapoint me. They played it not just once but thrice!

I called her several times but to no avail.
Texted her.
Calling her again.
I was about ot give up when she texted me

"An2k pa k0... :'c Hapi valentnes"

I feel like my heart is falling out of my ribs.

This too much!
Too much happiness, too much joy!
I cant put my feeling into words this time.
It superb! --->flying without wings!

I called her again and this time she answered it but i wasnt able to hear her voice.
I put my phone near the speaker but the it created feedback that was very irritating.

I never dreamt myself to be in this state... BADUY, CORNY, SILLY, MESS

This is the very first time to do bizarre things like this.

I know myself.
Im proper, in order,busy-focused student, serious, and i can say resposible type of.
I do things according to my plans. Evrything is black and white.
But since vanna came into my life, most of the things changed. She put colors-rainbow. She tarnished the seriousness and the busy guy residing in me. I learned to be laugh with my phone alone (praning), become crazy and wacky that makes people smile.

I was still smiling of those thoughts when i heard the message alert tone of my phone.

It was Vic- a good friend and a DL also.
I totally forgot the meeting, its 8:04 in my watch.
I stood up - with smile on my lips and my eyes, they smile too.
Thanks to him, i attended the meeting right on time.

This is Superman greeting you all a very HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

By the way, Vanna greeted me twice

5:02am - "An2k pa k0... :'c Hapi valentnes"

1:50pm- "Hapi valentnes dn p0."

Thats explain why i feel, act and think this way.

WHEN YOU LEARN TO LIKE AND LOVE A GIRL MUCH DEEPER THAN HER LOOKS, ITS A BIT DANGEROUS , AND HEADY... AND A BIT INSANE.

Im texting Vanna now... And I feel so special and worry-free despite that my prof warned me about my grade in English. But im confident i will survive. With vanna's attention and forgiveness, i will.

I LOVE YOU, SUPERVAN!


(my superVan.. simply amazing..smart)
Mwah!

The Poem

Saddest Poem
by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.Write, for instance:
"The night is full of stars,and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.I
can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her.
To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all.
Far away, someone sings.
Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's.
She will be someone else's.
As she oncebelonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body.
Her infinite eyes.
I longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

*I agree with you that Neruda was wrting about the loss of love, I believe that it was about a particuliar lost love, not just the loss of that feeling--that is too broad. Have you never stood under the moon and knowing that its the same moon which illuminates the one you have lost, have you never listened to a song and know its the same notes that careass his ears? That all is the same but different. This is a poem of unbelievable heartach, that he truely loved someone and is attempting to exorcise her through the only way he knows how. His last line is a desperate plea.....this may be too sentimental , but thats what the poem means to me.

Today is my birthday but i feel like dying...
My mom called up telling me to go home tonight. And i will.
I miss my family.
I miss my Vanna.
And...I love her. I know.

YABANG!

Yippee! There's no easy way to overcome accounting monters but still i did it. Whew! (no sweat)

Somebody from the class shouted "yabang!" as a joke after i finished a not-so-difficult-for-me board work. And I pissed off. Damn.

Funny how short-temper I am now.

SuperVAN texted me before "yabang mo tlg!" . I was never offended everytime she texted me "yabang mo tlg!" or "kapal mo!". Id rather smile and felt my heart grow bigger than usual Its not an insult for me, I took it as her "lambing" for me. Then i was eating my brunch when my phone beeped and opened her message for me. I nearly choked the first time i read her text message saying "filing ko ang yabang yabang mo....". It was saved in my phone until now. Texting her or hearing the mere voice of her next in line give me so much strength and confidence, overwhelming ecstacy of joy.

If i could count the number she texted that "yabang" word, i deduce it reached 10 or more. But it doesnt lessen the hilarity, it makes me smile instead.

I dont personally believe in >> I could fly a thousand miles<< line until now. Now that its happening to me.

Im just wondering...
Will she ever read this blog?
My blog?
Know about this?

Nah... I dont think VAN will
She'll never know about this :c

Gonna ask y?

Bcos she texted me
"i promise not to give a damn about your feelings anymore"

And with that... Im signing off for now.
:c
Im sorry, my Vanna Marie

I feel this way..losing hope..losing her

i have somethings to say..
despiteof my loquacious attitude..
der are things dat i havent told u yet..
my feelings and everything..
i dont kno y i feel so comfortable with you..
i dont kno y i laugh even at the corniest joke with y0u..
i dont kno y my heart beats so fast everytime i hear ur name..ur voice
sad thoughts fromt he past make me think to let go..
but as i think of y0u,and of our happy moments too,
i decided to h0ld on...
and hope dat we could continue our withheld friendship..
but i kno its so impossible to happen..
i've cause da big emotional damage already..
and i dont want it to happen agen..
juz d0nt be blank over myfeelings..

i MISS y0u..

u juz d0nt know h0w much i d0..
:c
it pierces me all along without you...

Our fave Songs

WITH A SMILE
Vanna's Song

lift your head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong along your way
you'll get by with a smile
you can't win at everything
but you can try
baby you don't have to worry
coz there ain't no need to hurry
no one every said there'll been easy way
when they're closin all their doors
and they don't want you anymore
it sounds funny but i'll say it anyway

girl i'll stay through the bad times
even if i have to fetch you everyday
you'll get by if you smile
you can never be too happy in this life

refrain:
in a world where everybody hates
a happy endin story
it's a wonder love can make the world go round
but don't let them bring you down
and turn your face into a frown
you'll get along with a little prayer
and a songlet me hear you sing it
repeat refrainlift your head
baby don't be scared
of the things that could go wrong
along your wayyou'll get by with a smile
now it's time to kiss awaythose tears goodbye
let me hear you sing itif you smile

When I asked her to describe herself in one word,this is what Vanna answered me >>SMILE<<

When she asked me to describe myself in one word, i answered her, >>SUPERMAN<<>

Superman (It's Not Easy)

My Song

I can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

I’m just out to find

The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…

I’m more than a plane

More than some

pretty face beside a train

It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees

Find a way to lie

About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…

but don’t be naive

Even Heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed…

but won’t you concede

Even Heroes have the right to dream

It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…

away from me

It’s all right…

You can all sleep sound tonight

I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

Men weren’t meant to ride

With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet

Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

Only a man in a funny red sheet

Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

Vanna Marie S. Tan

simple...
sweet..
selosa...
caring...
makulit...


Fave cartoon character


--->i bought this pillow for her

love 2 eat...
chicken...
sisig...
shrimp...
spicy squid...

dont like to eat...
ampalaya...
sibuyas...

love playin...
table tennis..
basketball..
badminton...

>>>im a simple person who wants a simple life


*haay... These are what makes Vanna Marie..
*I was not in myself today. I had a long quiz in accounting -liabilities, provisions, contingencies. WHEW! In the midst of my deadly battle in that subject, ther's one person whose playing inside my busy mind all along. The girl who hates me now :c This is really a serious catastrophe! On my part.

I love the way she bothers me when im alone reading bulky books and tired solving and balancing my financial accounts. I keep on telling my whole damn self, everything is alright and she's not mad at me. The lazy fact is screaming infront of this man here. She is! She still!So i get my phone and read all her messages all over again and again. It diminishes pain and worries, replenish everything. It soothes me, refreshes my tired self and makes me smile. I forgot all the negative things which happend in a day. Even the words she used cursing me.

She's my superVAN!

Why I am here?

I thought this thingy is OBSOLETE. <the internet and stuffs> But im dead wrong! <sigh> I was surfing and exploring at the same time with no specific reason until i found out about this page. I created this a couple of days ago while im drunk. Got it ryt folks. DRUNK. I have this itchy bitchy probs consuming me for almost a week now. <frown> Lets just say that this is one way as an outlet of my assorted emotions. Aside from playing my instrument and drinking.

I got bored, got tired of everything. Physically speaking. My mind -cerebrum- is into something or rather into someone.

She comes to my senses. Everytime, everywhere. Im not in love with her thats 99.99% pure sure. I guess. <sigh>

Am i guys?
Definitely not!

Thats why she hates me now. I dont want to love her, to be attach. Before i completely fall for her, i decided to stay away from her which puts me in agony. I know to myself, i care a lot for her. I even confessed to my friends that i love her. I felt and knew she cares for me too as a friend BEFORE. Before the unbearable stupidity attacked me. Before i lost my sanity.

She always ther for me whenever i needed her. She gave me reasons to smile when im sad and all so weary.<smile> She offered me comfort and security the day i broke down and bleed and cry. She always cheer me up. Texted me. Make me laugh with a broken me. Wiped tears away from my eyes. Cleared my vision, mind, heart and mission.

BLOODY HELL! Its my fault why the sudden change happand. Im afraid to love her that much. Im in doubt. But i know in my heart i already loved her. :c

Crazy beatiful

Is it not pathetic, and at the same time exciting that to live our lives here on earth, we don't even have some manual... to tell us what we're gonna do. And to think, that when things get too confused... that's just what we need. I'm talking especially in the colloids of the ever notorious fervor that drives lives wild, minds off shore... love.Case number 1. My second degree friend. Guy courts girl. Girl turns him down. She thinks she aint to good. There will be someone better I know, she thinks. Three times he begged for her love. Three times she dumped him. And so she goes, and so he did too... but then the years passed and their lives have trekked a hundred swirls when girl finally realized that Guy is all she needs, all she wants. Girl can't live without him. But he has a girl friend now... but, she courts him --cos when the heart is eager, reason falls into oblivion. And when words must be spoken, he tells her... "I'm sorry, but I love my girlfriend now".Case number 2. 2nd degree friend... same as number one. She didn't like the guy so she turned him down. And the years passed by and it came to her that she was wrong... and so she courts the guy... down on her knees asking for the love that she has shunned. Praying with every particle of her sould for a second chance... He gives it to her. and they were a couple... till a year has passed and she found out: ay, "May ka-live in na pala siya"...Real life regrets.love? How do you play it safe?But that's the thing I guess... when it's pathetic and it's unsure. You'll never know... what you lost and what you gained... and that's the magic. the danger, the slight certainty and most of all, the irony. :)